Psychologist Sebastián Girona, specialist in links and author of the book "I can not stand you any more. Keys to Dismantling Couple Conflicts, "warns about the risks that threaten a couple when the power flow in the bond is very uneven.
There is the myth that love can do everything, that if there is love a couple can solve all the problems that it has. Unfortunately this is just a myth: I see couples in the office all the time who, despite being loved, separate equally.
It would be ideal if this were not a myth, since there would be fewer separations and divorces, and less suffering. That is why it is interesting to be able to think about what other factors come into play in a loving bond and why they can become equally important than love.
We all know of a close couple who have separated. In recent times, it is common currency for a couple to end their bond. There are more than 150 divorce presentations per day and that alerts us and makes us wonder what are the main reasons that lead a couple to separation. Why do couples split almost back from the Civil Registry?
To think the answer to this question I would like to start by telling you that every couple has a contract: it is a contract that is not signed at an hour and in a certain place but is set up in the first months of the relationship. And it is a contract more complex than we know it usually because it has aspects conscious and unconscious, and that many times are raised from our shortcomings and are often the most dangerous for the relationship.
Each contract regulates the rights and obligations of the parties involved in it. In the case of the couple, the biggest problem that can arise is that this contract is asymmetric: that is, one of the members has more rights and fewer obligations and the other has more obligations and fewer rights. When this happens, we are facing a couple that is completely asymmetrical.
The fundamental factor that regulates a couple contract is the distribution of the power circulating within that relationship
In every human bond, family, labor or couple, circulates power. The great challenge that every couple has is to distribute that power evenly. If power is poorly distributed, what I call the "asymmetry syndrome" appears and one of the most frequent causes of separation that a couple can have.
Nor is it a pair completely even because that is impossible. You can always have one that is above the other, but you also always expect to have alternation: which at the moment one has priority and, at another time, the other has the other. A major problem with the symmetry syndrome is when very marked differences are established within the members of the relationship.
There are two types of asymmetry syndrome: one is horizontal and the other is vertical. In the latter there is a hierarchical situation: one of the members is above the other, there is a dynamic of boss and employee, one does everything the other wants.
In the horizontal asymmetry the emotional distance is presented. To one or both members of the couple is not interested in what happens to the other. Whether it is good or bad, it does not produce anything at all what happens to the couple.
It is important to be able to detect a moment and a couple of something happens something like this. The earlier it is detected, the more it can do about it.
Source: Sebastian Girona, psychologist.
Fuente: buenavibra.es
